Goes around comes around. I can take the heat, so if you got something to say, dish it up!

I tell people like it is. I'm a blunt person and if I feel a certain way, you will know. I hide things from you if I feel you dont need to know and if it doesnt relate to you, then back off cause it doesnt matter whether you knew or not!

I anticipate people attacking me physically and verbally as I have others. Not so much physically (for the record of course). Oh, and emotionally. People like to attack especially when they arent doing to well. they feel by making me feel worthless and that I'm a horrible person, will in return uplift their spirits. WRONG. Also, if you feel you need to do that - feel free because I will cut you out of my life faster than you can blink and I wont think twice.
 
I am a very private person. That is why this blog was a hard first step for me. Displaying my life story puts me in a position to share my life and to encourage other to do so. I have such a tough wall up and rarely let people past. Its like I take them through this obstacle course prior to entering.....like a test to see if they are worthy to "know" me. Why? I dont know.

I do know that I trust no one. You have to earn your trust. I look at trust as a point scale. You start out with zero and as you go, you earn more points. If you screw up, I deduct points. Once you get back to zero, I no longer feel any need for either of us to maintain any form of communication. Am I bitter, yes, in many instances. But I dont want to keep "dead ends" lying around.

I had over 1300 friends on facebook about 2 months ago. I now have about 400. Why? Half the people where cousins of people I know or relatives of people I knew, or people I went to high school with but dont even talk to anymore, friend's spouses, etc....just a ton of random people that I really dont even aquaint myself with. So I deleted them. Deleted the "dead ends",
 
Positives. They are the opposite of negatives. We are given both. We also have choices. I dont know if choices are positive or negative, but the outcome of a choice may result in a positive or negative. We have agency.

I dont like to be toiled with. I dont like to be lied to. When someone tells me they are doing something, I expect it to be done. When someone apologizes, I expect all steps of the repentace process are completed (which the main one everyone forget is to NOT DO IT AGAIN). When someone promises something to me, I expect that promise will be kept. However, we are human. So am I. I mess up as well. A lot. I expect a lot. Its almost like I expect perfection and UNHUMAN results. I know deep down inside of me, that is not possible and who am I to expect so much from someone. So what....does this mean I should lower my standards to accomadate others? Not worry so much if someone stabs me in the back? Stop caring if someone continually hurts me. I cant. Therefore, I will continue to expect UNHUMAN results and as a resulte, continue to be disappointed. My choice. Thank you agency.

steps

5/31/2010

1 Comment

 
It seems like anything I'm struggling with always multiplies in front of me. Like if I am struggling with dogs, every where I turn there are more and more dogs, EVERYWHERE! (just an example)  I understand perfectly that we all go through challenges in life but right now I feel like someone is continually kicking me when I'm already down. And not just that, they are removing all my clothes, pooring hot oil all over me then taking a rake to my thighs. 

Another thing - how come anytime things start going good, my concrete is laid and then a huge rain storm comes in and washes my hard work away. It seriously is like 2 steps foward and 9.475,638 steps back. I'm always fighting the current! I'm seriously lost out at sea with no flippers, no goggles and no idea where the heck direction I should start heading.
 
 
I grew up listening to Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey....but this is just sad.
 
Friday night, Scott and I had a date and went to see Robin Hood. It was a different twist on Robin Hood and I wasnt expecting it to be that good. I really liked the romance incorporated in the film. Another thing I enjoyed was that the characters I liked, didnt die.

I hate war sceens and frankly just tune them out....my opinon is they last way too loud. And then the sound in the theater increases so not only is it crazy killing going on, but also massive music and sounds blarring.

I'm not one who stands in lines the night a film comes out - I do enjoy going to the theater like twice or so a month....any more than that has to be some kind of special occasion or for the movie SAW. Yes, it is a disgusting film...but I'm into that kind of stuff because of the anatomy displayed and the challenges he puts upon all who are in his game.
 
Just got back from a lovely Sunday walk with my baby Princess. What is with little dogs always wanting to challege her? Dont they know she'll kill them in one bite?

Its also funny that she is such a shade-a-holic! Any side of the sidewalk where there is shade...she moves to that side. And she walks super fast when we are in the sun, but once we go under a tunnel or something....she slows down big time. so silly

Acne

5/30/2010

2 Comments

 
Throughout the years I've come to find that my acne appears in warmer climates and during the summer...haha go figure that one. But seriously!

It seems like every morning I wake up, I have a new zit to greet me. And they aren't just the normal white heads that hide behind a nostril....this suckers are HUGE and uproot themselves right inbetween my eyes or on my cheek...ANYWHERE visible to someone five miles away. I have a problem scratching them too - which is why I now have lovely scars on my face... ugh.

Dance

5/29/2010

1 Comment

 
I have bad shins and knees. They have been really hurting to the point where icing and ibuprofen don't help. We have decided we need to postpone our dancing until after my tryouts.

Its just a ton of stress on my legs with dancing on hardwood in heels on top of doing my workouts. I didnt think it would bother me this much and have been in denial....but the fact is, it definately is not helping. Its sad, but a smart move.
 
Gatorade has this cool beverage support. They have three different drinks that assist with working out. I have decided to incorporate it into my workout since I usually dont drink enough fluids as is anyways.....and I like trying new things.

First drink is the "Prime" - Its tastes like a sugar boost and they instruct you drink it 15 minutes before working out. (I drank my at breakfast)

Second drink is the "Perform" - its the regular drink that most people know

Third drink is the "Recover" - its like a mixture of both, a little thicker than the second but not as thick as the first.

Its cool and I feel refreshed and I did have more energy during my morning workout. This is a definate keeper! TRY IT!